REVIEW: Soundtrack, Batman & Robin (Warner Brothers)

- Sean Eric McGill

Ah, to be a fly on the wall when they came up with the soundtrack album to Batman & Robin. Of course, even though I wasn't - that doesn't mean I can't pretend (insert dream sequence fade-in here).

SCENE:

An office at Warner Brothers. Present are Batman & Robin director Joel Shumacher, Danny Bramson and Gary Le Mel (executive album producers) - and a fly on the wall.

Bramson: OK, here it is.

(Ohhs and ahhs abound at the sharp packaging).

Shumacher: Does it have everything we wanted? I mean, we've really got to please everybody with this thing, ya know!

Le Mel: Well, we got alternative covered pretty well. Two songs by The Smashing Pumpkins that sound like nothing they've done before, some R.E.M., Soul Coughing and a couple of others. And we went ahead and threw Goldenthal a bone and put a track of his score on there so he wouldn't whine about not getting a whole album.

Shumacher: What about this "electronica" thing I keep hearing about? Were you able to get The Dust Chemical Method, or whatever they're called?

Le Mel: Well, no. But, The Smashing Pumpkins tunes were produced by Nellee Hooper and we did get Underworld - they gave us a song called "Moaner" that sounds pretty damn good.

Shumacher: Did they sing about the movie? I really like it when people do that.

Bramson: No, they didn't. He just talks about a city or something, but the beat kicks.

Shumacher: What about women - we need some women on the album.

Bramson: Well, we got Lauren Christy, and MeShell Ndegeocello. You'll like this Joel, MeShell sings a song called "Poison Ivy".

Shumacher: Oh goody! Does it talk about her poison kiss?

Bramson: Um - no. It's an old Leiber & Stoller song - but it is seductive sounding, like Uma.

Le Mel: (muttering) OprahUma.

Shumacher: What about Jewel? I just love her.

Bramson: Well, she re-did "Foolish Games" from her album. Put a lot of extra arrangements into it - sounds pretty good but I like the original better.

Le Mel: (still muttering) Sounds perfect for this movie then.

(Bramson cuts him a sharp look)

Shumacher: (jumping up and down) Oh, oh - what about rap? We just gosta gosta have some rap on there! Did anyone sing about the movie? I just love that.

(Shumacher starts to hum "Ghostbusters")

Le Mel: (muttering) Why bother? The only major role by an African-American was by Billy Dee Williams, and you didn't even ask him back for Batman Forever to play the character he originated.

(Bramson starts to get a tad upset)

Bramson: R. Kelly did do a song called "Gotham City" - we're even going to do a video! And we did get Bone Thugs-N-Harmony - they're rap. Their song is called "Look Into My Eyes". It's good, but not as good as some of their other work.

Le Mel: (muttering again) Yeah, kinda like this movie. Looks like the Adam West series without the "Pows" and "Bangs".

Bramson: Gary, could you excuse us, please.

(Security comes in and starts to drag Le Mel out of the room. Before the drag him out the door, he starts screaming)

Le Mel: You wanna know about the album, Joel - you really wanna!! It's like your goddamn movie - all flash and no real substance!!! Sure, it's good in parts, but in the end it's just another piece of Bat-crap that nobody really needs!!!

(A security guard brains Le Mel with a blackjack as the door slams shut)

Schumacher: (To Bramson) So, you think we can get someone to sing a song about the movie for the sequel?