====================================================[November 15, 1994]= __ | __ _ _ ___ | || ___ | __ __ (__ | | | \/ | ____) |___ || |___) |__ (__) | | ___) |___| | | | |___| |___) || |____ The Electronic Fanzine for Cool Folks Like You Editor: Scott F. Williams Internet: Scotty.Williams@launchpad.unc.edu Managing Editor: Bob Gajarsky Internet: gajarsky@pilot.njin.net Other Contributors: Jeremy Ashcroft, Martin Bate, Al Crawford, Dan Enright, Justin Higgins, Tim Kennedy, Reto Koradi, David Landgren, Tim Mohr P. Nina Ramos, Michelle Richmond, JoE Silva Special thanks to Danielle for the information. Address all comments, subscription requests, etc. to gajarsky@pilot.njin.net ======================================================================= All articles in Consumable remain (C) copyright their author(s). Permission for re-publication in any form other than within this document must be sought from the managing editor. ============================================================================== .------------. | Contents |-. `------------' | `------------' --- INTERVIEW: Material Issue, by JoE Silva REVIEW: Nirvana, _MTV Unplugged in New York_, by Martin Bate REVIEW: Various Artists, _If I Were A Carpenter_, by Michelle Richmond CONCERT REVIEW: Oasis Across the Oceans, by Jeremy Ashcroft & Bob Gajarsky REVIEW: Arnold McCuller, _Exception to the Rule_, by Bob Gajarsky INFORMATION: Arnold McCuller WIN FREE Arnold McCuller disc! REVIEW: Mary Ann Farley, _First Few Words_, by Bob Gajarsky REVIEW: Shed Seven, _Change Giver_, by Tim Mohr REVIEW: Dillon Fence, _Dillon Fence_, by Bob Gajarsky REVIEW: Dis 'N' Dat, _Bumpin'_, by Martin Bate INTERVIEW: Melvins, by P. Nina Ramos INFORMATION: LIFEbeat TOUR DATES: Echobelly, Royal Jelly, Fossil The Readers Write Back! (Update on Janet Speaks French) --- "Freaks, Navels, and other Pop Issues..." - An Interview With Material Issue It's a fool's assumption to think you might have a take on someone's personality based on spinning their records, but recently, I got suckered good. Jim Ellison and his near perfect pop star sneer were rounding a corner near the Atlanta theatre where he and the rest of Material Issue would be playing that night, and I should have took his look as fair warning that he was in some sort of a foul mood. Up close, Ellsion is a set of rail thin bones with two pierced ears and a taste for aggressive urban footwear. I march not too far behind him into a small dressing room where he removes a small wedge from an apple pie and then goes over to a guitar rack to absently bang on a swell black and white Gibson until everyone's ready to sit down and talk. My expectation of a docile encounter with a popster who's penned dozens of sugary paens to the girls he's had or longed for, was unseated quickly by a handful of curt answers to my questions. He won't tell me anything about his appearance in buddy Liz Phair's new video for "Whip Smart" other than "You have to wait and see" and he won't grab the chance I give him to rant about the narrow slant most journalists take on his lyrical content. Whether he's pissed or not, it seems as if Ellison has more of an pronounced attitude connection with gob-era Johnny Lydon than with someone like...oh.. say, Matthew Sweet, even though they have probably have the same type of pop-smart blood in their veins. But Ellison probably isn't a true snot. Phair cast him as the "good" angel in her video to play opposite Nash Kato's "bad" angel character and there are the gushy lyrics and the graceful harmonies that stand to belay any attitude that Jim may cop. _Freak City Soundtrack_ is Material Issue having distilled to near perfection the kind of classic stuff that fueled the 45 single for so many years - quick, punchy songs with immaculately chiseled melodies wound tight around a verve not seen in a trio since the likes of The Jam. From the jumped up beat of "Going Through Your Purse" straight through to the revved up tempo of "She's Goin' Through My Head," they make a point that are the latest link in a lineage that descends from the Knack and traces backward to the likes of Badfinger and the Hollies and any number of other power pop bands killed off by the rise of Led Zeppelin and the realization of heavy metal. And, with various shades of Black Sabbath now freely roaming and reigning over the alternative music spectrum, Material Issue have made themselves into a daringly peripheral rock outfit that sing about cars, the radio, and solicit girls with cute navels for their album covers. "We've never even seen that girl." says 26 year old drum beater, Mike Zelenko. "She's supposed to be really young. She's only like thirteen or something. She probably has braces and everything, but the navel was all we needed." But not even a sound navel could get the band's first single, a cover of the Green Pyjama's "Kim The Waitress," more than modest radio play. The follow up ("...Purse") was released apparently into oblivion and despite their semi-constant tour schedule this year, (opening for INXS and now the Pretenders) the Atlanta audience doesn't seem to offer a lot in the way of recognition to Material Issue. Jim is unbridled onstage - loud and energetic. He pulls faces, tosses his picks, and doffs off ripping solos from his cranked six string. Every new tune is staged like a winner, and their past hits ("Valerie Loves Me") do nothing at this point but serve as padding for the practically brilliant new material. So while it's littered with potential hits, why hasn't _Freak City Soundtrack_ been their crowning moment? Ellison can pin it on one word: Mercury. "They're just a terrible record company." Ellison says straight faced and none too happy. "They don't push anything. If you want to see a Mercury video, you're looking more towards Bon Jovi or Kiss." Mercury is silent on the subject but there's a lot to be said of Ellison's perspective. If you're not a priority at a label, the rule of thumb is generally you might as well not be there. Evidence Warner Bros making a small three piece form California a number one concern in their overall strategy over the past year, and now witness Green Day playing to 60,000 fans in a near riotous gig in Boston. "I don't think you'll find an act on that label that's being pushed." Jim continues. "I think we sell records by default. It's because people know our music and want to buy it. Not due to anything else." The subject of their deal snuffs our chat and the remainder of the conversation trails off to nowhere. Rick Neilsen plays on the new album and Mark Chapman (formerly of Sweet) produced it, but the they offer no anecdotes about either, though both figure large in the current state of Material Issue. They are associations that stem from an era that are a touchstone for the band and a mindset that Ellsion more or less crystalizes in the _Freak City_ line that goes "And when I feel I can't go on/I turn the radio on." - JoE Silva --- REVIEW: Nirvana, _MTV Unplugged in New York_ (Geffen) Jeez, where to begin ? Pages could be written on the irony or otherwise of the MTV logo appearing on this record alone. So lets just ignore the background to this album - you all know the sad story by now - and talk about the music. First song, "About a Girl" is introduced with a pointed dig. "This is off our first record. Most people don't own it." And it's beautiful. Stripped to accoustic guitars, the Beatles influence shines through and Cobain sounds like a frustrated angel. It's a height which he reaches all too rarely on his own compositions here. What this album demonstrates is that in the accoustic arena, Cobain was an incredible performer but that he still had a bit to go before he could be considered to be an incredible song-writer - here, his songs, such as "About a Girl", are shown to be fairly simplistic two-dimensional affairs which would be little if robbed of his presence, lyrics and voice. Nowhere is this better demonstrated than on the trio of Meat Puppets songs which are performed with the Puppets' Kirkwood brothers helping out. Here, given songs with that extra touch of musical depth, Cobain both outstrips his own compositions and the original Puppets' versions of the songs easily. His voice is glorious - cracking and wavering with passion as he reaches for the notes that his own self-limiting compositions would never include. The versions of "Polly", "Something in the Way", "Dumb", and "All Apologies" unsurprisingly differ little from their studio counterparts, only "All Apologies" having the extra spark to improve on itself. Of the noisier stuff (and let's face facts, that's what Kurt was best at) only "On a Plain", "Penny Royal Tea" and "Come As You Are" are attempted. These, though still lacking the depth of an R.E.M. or an American Music Club, score points because they change our perspectives on the songs. "Penny Royal Tea" is sad and brutal as Cobain voice laments and soars over his lone rough accoustic picking, and "Come As You Are" is rendered even more eerie in its stripped-down format. The "And I swear that I don't have a gun" refrain sending shivers down my back and making me close my eyes. It would have been interesting to hear more of these new perspectives. I mean, "Negative Creep" was never going to sound good on an accoustic guitar, but Tori Amos demonstrated exactly what could be done with something like "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by changing the source of a song's power. Ultimately, where this album succeeds is in capturing perfectly a moment in time which will never be regained. Every stroke of the string, every cough and every comment between the band and the audience and among themselves is there to be heard and the atmosphere is magical. You *have* to stop what you're doing and give your full attention as the hour unfolds. And as Kurt roars and gasps out the last line of "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" like no-one else, you can only feel a little warm but empty inside. - Martin Bate --- REVIEW: Various Artists, _If I Were A Carpenter_, (A&M) Anyone who grew up to the music of the Carpenters probably remembers groaning when yet another sugary song of theirs took hold of the airwaves and didn't let go. The music was so refined, so smooth that it seemed to slip in and out of the head without ever taking root. Well, thanks to journalist Dave Konjoyan and producer Matt Wallace, the music of the Carpenters is brought to new life with _If I Were A Carpenter_, an alternative take on the duo's music by 14 alternative bands. Both men conceived of the project for the 25th anniversary of the Carpenters' signing with A&M What's so refreshing about the compilation is the artistry each act brings to the music. While it would seem that such a project would invite a tongue-in-cheek approach, the artists obviously took their tracks very seriously, exploring the darker edges of music that, 25 yeras ago was polished into pabulum Some are faithful renditions, such as Matthew Sweet's "Let Me Be The One" and the Cranberries' "Close To You", but others, such as American Music Club's "Goodbye to Love" are restless and unsettling. In fact, the two standouts are the darkest. Cracker's "Rainy Days and Mondays" is so atonal, it risks falling off the music sheet. But the strain works, as does Sonic Youth's "Superstar". Gutsy, strange and haunting, it's the most heartfelt track on the album. Considering that Karen Carpenter succumbed to anorexia nervosa in 1983, it's clear that there was more than one skeleton in the Carpenters' closet, despite their perfect and pristine arrangements. Perhaps Karen's death is what ultimately intrigues this alternative crowd, who are no strangers to their darker sides. It's their chance to pay homage to one who, underneath it all, was one of them. - Michelle Richmond --- Concert Review - Oasis Across the Ocean August 31, United Kingdom The evening's big surprise was the unannounced guest - good old "Evil Dildo" himself - Evan Dando. He just came on solo with his guitar and sang a few songs. The audience seemed to enjoy it and there was a really nice moment when a fan from the audience got up onstage and sang harmony vocals on one song! Evan was clearly surprised and delighted and the crowd really cheered on their home-boy. At the end of the set - which was only about 20-minutes long - an announcement came over the PA to the effect that if you wanted to hear more of Evan, he promised to play outside the stage door when the bars had shut at midnight. (I was still inside at the time, so I can't tell you if he followed up his promise.) During his set myself and friends were watching from a gallery overlooking the stage. Immediately behind me were Oasis themselves, chatting and watching. They also had a professional-standard camcorder and were filming the set - later another camera was brought out to film the entire Oasis set. I overheard Liam saying that he'd been to this venue before, as a member of the audience (it's just about 45-miles from Manchester). Before Oasis came on stage, the DJ was playing a lot of Manchester bands - I think The Charlatans were playing as the band took the stage. "That's enough of that shite!" was how the band introduced themselves! The opener, "Rock and Roll Star", was one of my favourite songs of the evening - it was more of an atmospheric song than the singles. The audience enjoyed themselves throughout, which is more than you can say for the band if their expressions were to be believed. I found that to be really offputting, to see a band playing and not even look like they're enjoying the music themselves. Just three songs into the set and there was potential trouble; I didn't even see anything being thrown, but Liam singled out someone in the audience and said that he didn't like having things thrown at him and that if they were going to do that he'd like them to come on stage "so I can slap you in front of everyone". They also showed that they weren't a particularly friendly band a bit later. At one point Evan Dando came dancing on stage with a young girl he'd been hanging around with that night. As they were spinning around enjoying themselves, one of Oasis security came from the side of the stage and bounced them off! They played all their hits, which were great, but the whole show lasted just 60-minutes. They closed with their now standard "I Am The Walrus". That was great - just the idea of doing a heavy-metal version (the intro at least) was great and the extended playout set up a great groove. The only thing that spoiled it for me were the vocals... he went from line to line without any gaps, more like a recitation than with any feeling (even it he was trying to sound deadpan, it didn't quite work). Still great though. The bottom-line of a good concert is "Would I go again?" And, in this case, the answer is a resounding yes. - Jeremy Ashcroft Fast forward to late October, Hoboken, New Jersey... Oasis is concluding their brief United States tour at the famous Maxwell's. The fire code at Maxwell's is 125, but there are easily 200 people packed tightly in the club; rumor has it that if you slipped the doorman $25, you could get in once the show was "sold out". Don't believe the hype that it's all teens into Oasis - this show was packed with many people in their late 20s and early 30s catching up with one of the hottest new bands of the year. Oasis didn't disappoint. From "Rock and Roll Star" to the concluding "I Am The Walrus", the band sounded *perfect*. The acoustics at Maxwell's leave a lot to be desired, but it was overcome by a brilliant performance. Again, the band didn't move around - not like they had room to - but lead singer Liam Gallagher explains, "I've got no time for jumping about, do I? I'm too busy singing the songs." His brother Noel chimes in, in response to some critics questioning the band's arrogance, "We wouldn't dare go on stage and prance around and preach to the audience." There was a mosh pit, too. Well - it was about 10 losers who felt the need to slam to each song. The audience did a good job of tossing elbows (and throwing down) the moshers, but the small crowd irritated Liam. He yelled, to a standing ovation, "Hey, Elvis! Why don't you stop running into these people and let them enjoy the show?", after one of the songs. The band is back in England and "Supersonic" is finally receiving well-deserved airplay (top 15 on Billboard's Modern Rock Charts). But, rather than lament missing one of the U.K.'s top exports, check out the debut _Definitely Maybe_. Don't take my word for it - your ears will do the talking for you. - Bob Gajarsky --- REVIEW: Arnold McCuller, _Exception To The Rule_ (Canyon) When a soul crooner comes along, you get out of his way and admire the vocals. Arnold McCuller clears the road with his latest release, _Exception to the Rule_. McCuller has appeared as a backup vocalist to many of today's biggest stars, including Phil Collins, Diana Ross, Todd Rundgren, Was (Not Was), the Ramones (!) and James Taylor. In fact, Taylor gushed over this release by proclaiming, "Arnold is the best! The waiting is over!" Listening to the album sends several clear messages: McCuller's voice is an instrument which can be utilized effectively in combination with the backing jazz intstrumentation, and Arnold has effectively learned from his mentors. The Taylor influence is present on virtually every track and McCuller's performance calls to mind some of the great vocalists of the past 30 years such as Smokey Robinson, Jeffrey Osborne and James Ingram. He also gets help on backing vocals from established veterans Rita Coolidge and Bonnie Raitt. The album is definitely geared towards adult contemporary audiences; the effort has debuted on several AC charts, including Radio and Records and the Gavin Report. It's especially impressive considering the independent status of the label and the resistance which all indies must overcome. In conclusion: _Exception_ is not groundbreaking music, but fans of the slower Motown sound, James Taylor, or some of the adult contemporary stars of the late 80's should find an immediate place in their home for Arnold McCuller. - Bob Gajarsky --- INFORMATION Arnold McCuller was recently interviews on Jazz Traxx, a nationally sundicated show which appears on Sunday mornings in most parts of the country. He will also be performing on November 16 at the Troubadour in Hollywood, California at a benefit for Harmony with the Homeless, appearing as a featured vocalist on Phil Collins' MTV Unplugged special on November 23 and will sing backup on Collins' European tour through the end of January. --- FREE DISC! Want to receive a free copy of Arnold McCuller's _Exception To The Rule_? We're giving away 5 copies of the disc. Send e-mail to the address, gajarsky@sun490.fdu.edu (ONLY!), fill in the following information and you'll be eligible: E-mail address: Name: U.S. mail address: City, State, Zip Code: Check one of the following: _ YES,I want to receive McCuller information in my e-mail account. _ YES,I want to receive McCuller information at my U.S. mail address. _ NO, I don't want my address to get additional information. If you answer NO to the above, you are still eligible to win. This contest is only eligible to North American readers - sorry to our readers from other continents. --- REVIEW: Mary Ann Farley, _First Few Words_ (River Records) Hoboken has produced or helped influence a slew of bands during the last ten years, including the Cucumbers and the db's, Yo La Tengo and Tiny Lights. One of the area's brightest new performers shines in the name of Mary Ann Farley. Farley's E.P., _First Few Words_, concentrates solely on her keyboard skills, which cover the gamut from the a brilliant rendition of "I Heard It Through The Grapevine" (more on this later) to the Vince Clarke (Erasure, Yazoo) styled "I Hear Them Singing", to an Enigma-tinged "My Poor Boy". Ah, "Grapevine". The song's been covered to death my millions of undeserving artists, but Farley twists the original in such a way that this author was mysteriously whisked away by the track to a darkened cocktail lounge, where the song is performed as an evening's final selection. It was all in my head - but the sultry vocals and mood of this unique interpretation took me elsewhere. Interested parties may catch Farley in Hoboken at Maxwell's on November 15th at 9:30 p.m. for a free performance, which also includes several guitar-based tracks not available on the cassette. Or, to hear her version of "Grapevine", call 212-804-8496. The four song cassette can be purchased direct from Farley for $6. - Bob Gajarsky --- REVIEW: Shed Seven, _Change Giver_ (Polydor) Shed Seven is a very young band. One read through the lyrics will confirm this. Few mature bands would fill an album with lines like "I can see through all your see through clothes/I've got to see you cause I like you loads." Perhaps the most disconcerting aspect of Shed Seven's lyrical shortcomings is singer Rick Witter's occasional vocal similarity to Miles Hunt of the (now-defunct) Wonder Stuff: the suggestion of the Wonder Stuff offering such bland texts is unsettling. Musically Shed Seven is more professional but not much less banal. The opener, "Dirty Soul," sounds like a bantam-weight remake of the Knack classic "My Sharona." Unfortunately "Dirty Soul" lacks the irresistible propulsion of the original new wave hit. The next song, the single "Speak Easy," formulates a sound reminiscent of the Mighty Lemon Drops (Sire) or High Back Chairs (Dischord) - average indie pop without the 60s inflection of pop purists. Shed Seven take their musical cue from Split Enz or Modern English or other early 80s guitar bands - though without the inescapable melodies and hooks that such bands routinely provided. By the third song the basic lines of the album are clear, though in fairness the songs seem to get increasingly better as the album progresses. "Long Time Dead" has more engaging lyrics than the first two tracks, reaches some dynamic juxtapositions, and brings in some different guitar sounds. The production, while not cheap, sounds somewhat small-time. Of course, this may be the point. On the tracks that demand more, it is forthcoming. Tracks like the standout "Ocean Pie" or the only lengthy track, "On An Island With You," are augmented with extra touches: a sprinkle of keyboards, watery sound effects. Anyway, with no production or mixing credits there is nobody to congratulate or blame for the sound quality. Shed Seven should appeal to listeners seeking earnest, youthfully unpretensious guitar songs. _Change Giver_ is a competent and at times catchy debut, but is miles away from recent milestones like the confident Oasis debut or Ride's latest album. Shed Seven ignore currently fashionable influences by avoiding punk sensibilities and not peering into the distant past. And while a new wave of new wave may be cresting, Shed Seven may reveal why a second new wave could fail: they lack the eccentricity and originality of bands that initiated the first one. In short, Shed Seven is not the type of band that inspires passion. - Tim Mohr --- REVIEW: Dillon Fence, _Dillon Fence_ (Mammoth/Atlantic) North Carolia's Mammoth Records recently teamed up with Atlantic Records to bring Frente! to America in a crash. The latest collaboration between these two labels has seen the national release of local heroes, Dillon Fence. Twisting the tenets of time, Dillon Fence effortlessly weave through the best of 1970's and 1980's album oriented rock (AOR) radio has to offer. Songs such as Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" and Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" as well as groups like Y&T ("Summertime Girls") and Led Zeppelin seemingly influence every track. Ultimately, however, Dillon Fence's grip with the past becomes the band's downfall. By not breaking free of yesterday's chains, the group is shackled to days gone by. The format has succeeded before - look no further than the Black Crowes debut for proof - but this album is not for the adventurous. Recommended for people who love the 70's/80's rock and especially those who love songs such as "Free Bird". - Bob Gajarsky --- REVIEW: Dis 'N' Dat _Bumpin'_ (Epic Street) OK - guess what this album sounds like. Look carefully at the name of the act and the album and then let me tell you that Dis 'n' Dat are two black women who claim they are into partying and are firmly in control of their sexuality. Then let me ask you - do we really need a vastly inferior Salt 'n' Pepa ? Everything about this act smells of 'product'. From the embarrassing record company press release with its laughable attempts at street slang that you just know were written by a white, middle-class, 30-something marketing suit (the word 'hype' crops up once a sentence) to the black and white glamour sleeve-shots. And the music? Well, there's actually some OK beats with some nice old school and electro touches. The opener, "Party" is even a passable old-style, party jam of the type that died in the mid 80's. But overall the lyrics are cliched and dated and the girls' mic skills extend about as far as both of them rapping at the same time. In weedy voices. I suspect that if they tried to do something as difficult as......oh, trading lines or something, that they'd forget to chew their gum. As for the strong black women angle, its impossible to tell, and doubtful, seeing as the girls' entire contribution to the album is one lyric write and a co-write. To make things worse, I suspect that the main writers of these Salt'n'Pepa styled "I want a strong man" rhymes aren't even female. The stench of 'product' grows more sickly by the minute. Oh yeah, and they've got a song called "Whoot! Here It Is!". Need I say more ? - Martin Bate --- An Interview with The Melvins `Twas a lovely autumn day. With the windows rolled down, the sun's warmth set in nicely. And since when is Route 18 south not packed with traffic? The day was shaping up to be quite smooth. My excitement and anticipation built for an interview with Seattle's original hard noise band, The Melvins. Blissful satisfaction eased through my mind, but then suddenly the ride didn't feel so perfect anymore. "-POP!...kathunk, kathunk, &*$*@#%!!...." I pulled off into a mall parking lot and was met with a flat tire. Yeah well, whatever. It only took few minutes to rectify the situation. So, I was running quite late, but hey, it's rock'n'roll, and real bands are never on time. Without further mishap, the decrepit Volkswagen got me all the way to Asbury Park and to the Stone Pony. Fortunately, my theory about tardiness proved correct; I beat The Melvins to the venue by an hour... WE MEET Now, attempting to decipher what someone is saying is rather difficult when that one person is really three. What I mean is, when everyone present speaks at the same time like Dale, Buz and Mark were, well, it becomes a mess. Oh, I forgot; they're the band. Fortunately the mini-cassette was only thirty minutes long. We settled into a booth at a small bar/pool hall next to the Stone Pony where they were performing later in the evening. The waiter came to take our order and we began with the interview. "It smells like someone puked here." Dale said. "I'm sure moving to another table isn't going to matter." We moved to another table. "Now it smells like someone washed their dog here." The four of us laughed heartily and I began to wonder exactly where the conversation was going. SITUATION OUT OF CONTROL The tape rolled and they began with THEIR questions. "Give us a little history on Asbury Park." Buz wasn't kidding. "Where are you from?" asked Mark. "From Puerto Rico," I answered. "Prove it!" Buz demanded. "No way, you're not Portoe Rikken," joked Mark. Geesh, I hadn't ever been haggled about this stuff that hard before. They demanded I prove it. I babbled a little Spanish for them but it proved to be insufficient. So I showed them my driver's license, and Buz accused "This doesn't prove a fucking thing!" Great, it'd been ten minutes and I still hadn't managed to get a word in edgewise. Granted that's not a long period of time, but they're supposed to be answering questions, NOT asking them. Besides, the tape had only another twenty minutes. Finally, the boys settled down and appeared willing to really begin the interview. THE INTERVIEW Most Melvins fans aren't aware that their's is a ten year union, "Our anniversary was in March." claimed Mark matter-of- factly. *Any regrets?*, I asked. "We should've broken up years ago!" Buz retorted, containing a chuckle. "What else would we do?" Dale asked of the other two. Immediately, Mark announced his intentions on becoming an astronaut. Then, Buz jumped in and explained his calling to be a "paid philosopher." (Heh, I'd like to see how far he would've gotten in that line of work.) Of course Dale was not far behind with his alternate career plan. "I would've been a cowboy..." A hushed respectful silence fell upon the trio and I half expected to hear Dale break into "Happy Trails." Rubbing his chin, Mark reflected, "Isn't it funny how it all falls back to childhood archetypes? Fireman, policeman, president..." Dale whispered "...cowboy..." The waiter served our snack, an assortment of deep fried things. "I was really upset when I found out buffalo wings are really chicken," Buz said picking up a wing. *How do you think they get them that small?*, -stupid question on my part, but asking anything was becoming increasingly difficult. Dale responded succinctly, "They kill the chickens before the prime of their life." -Gruesome image. Ughh, would I ever get anything other than these absurd comments? The inevitable question popped out. *Is it true ya'll were friends with Kurt Cobain?* Their eyes widened then narrowed. "No," popped Mark, "people have just assumed that because we're from the same place, everyone is next door neighbors." It is well known that Cobain was a big fan and was highly influenced by the Melvins' sound. Perhaps, not coincidentally, I can't really hear it and it seems they don't either. With ten years' tenure, I wondered what took so long to ink with a major label. Mark explained: "Well, the truth of the matter is the band was begged for years and years to sign with a major label and due to swaggering bravado..." Buz corrected, "-punk rock ethics." Mark gave a stern look and went on, "...they were all turned down flat until a substantial amount of cash was offered." So, how long have you been with Atlantic? "About two years." Buz accorded, "but that's old news." At this point they broke into a sub- conversation focusing on Dale's desire to see a donkey show. *A what? I'm completely lost!* "So are we." quipped Dale. "Hey, Dale" Mark beamed, "-next time we go to Holland, we'll make sure you don't miss their donkey shows!" Uh, back to the interview:.. Do you have a favorite country to tour? Mark, the most assertive Melvin, started with his preferences. "My favorite country to tour is the U.S. because you can always find an interpreter." Dale followed: "Yeah, Europe is a little harder..." Mark finished the intellectual exercise: "My favorite country is Florida." Buz laughed, "The entire U.S. is a foreign country to you.! Funny, HE doesn't sound foreign." Figuring I'd ask easier questions, I inquired as to where The Melvins grew up. "Well," Buz answered, "Dale and I grew up in Washington State and Mark was born in England." "-England...," Mark repeated, "you've got the freckles to prove it." Tangent, tangent, tangent. Conversation that still has nothing to do with anything... "We don't know you," Mark offered as if it explained all. *Well, I don't know you either. So, tell me about yourselves.* "Oh, just ask away. There's nothing we won't answer..." I hate being put on the spot and besides straight forward, yet. This was another setup. Looking him straight in the eye, I asked Buz, *do you wear boxer underwear?* "Yes." I looked at Dale. "No." Mark summarized in clever fashion, "See, we cover all extremes. Buz wears Boxers, I wear briefs and Dale doesn't wear any underwear." Loud laughter. "Dale is a water sign, Buz and I are fire signs, so when we get good and burning mad, he gets steamed." Yeah, huh-huh, fire's cool; that was funny, heh. JUST THE FACTS, MA'AM I was about to ask something pertinent but the tape recorder clicked off. But, you wanna know facts? Well, this is about all I pulled: they've been together for ten years. They're big Kiss fans. Their favorite drugs of choice are caffeine and nicotine and their new cd _Stoner Rich_ is available in stores now. And if you get the chance, go see or hang out with these guys. You won't get a word in edgewise, but they'll make you laugh. Hard. - P. Nina Ramos --- INFORMATION: LIFEbeat LIFEbeat, the music industry organization which helps fight AIDS, is set to kick off CounterAID on World AIDS Day, December 1. CounterAID is a weeklong fundraiser which will see music, television and film stars staffing the counters of major record retail chains in New York, Los Angeles and Nashville on December 3. Confirmed artists who will be serving on the registers include MTV's Kennedy; Jon Secada; Motley Crue's Tommy Lee; Concrete Blonde's Johnette Napolitano; Onyx; "Married With Children"'s Katey Sagal and actor Joe Penny. Customers will be encouraged to round up all purchases to the nearest dollar, with the extra change being donated directly to LIFEbeat. --- TOUR DATES: The U.K. band Echobelly is out on tour in support of their debut album, _Everyone's Got One_. Here are the dates: Nov 17,Hoboken, N.J., Maxwells Nov 18,New York, Wetlands Nov 19,Philadelphia, J.C. Dobbs Nov 20,Washington D.C., 9:30 Club Nov 22,Cambridge,Mass., Middle East Nov 23,Providence, Babyhead Nov 25,Toronto, Lee's Palace Nov 27,N. Pontiac, Industry Nov 28,Chicago, Double Door Nov 30,Atlanta, The Point Island artist Royal Jelly is on the tour until the end of November. Dates are: Nov 15, Dayton OH, McGuffy's Nov 16, Louisville, Toy Tiger Nov 17, Chicago, Avalon Nov 19, Minneapolis, Mirage Nov 21, Omaha, Ranch Bowl Nov 22, Kansas City, Lone Star Nov 26, Denver, Mercury Cafe Nov 29, Salt Lake City, Zephyr Bar Fossil will be out supporting their latest E.P., _Crumb_. They can be seen on tour at the following locations: Nov 15, Pittsburgh, Tatoo's Nov 16, Cleveland, Peabody's (with Black 47) Nov 17-18, Chicago, Schuba's (with Black 47) Nov 19, Minneapolis, First Avenue (with Black 47) Nov 21, Detroit, Majestic Cafe (Free Show!) Nov 22, Buffalo, Marquee Nov 25, Boston, TT The Bear's --- READERS WRITE BACK! Did you know that Sean O' Sullivan of Janet Speaks French is one of the co-founders of MapInfo, a major street-level mapping software company? - Dennis P. (Ed: Thanks...now everyone else knows, as well...) -- Back issues of Consumable Online are available via anonymous FTP from quartz.rutgers.edu in the directory /pub/journals/Consumable ===